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Captain’s Log – 26/10/09
There are many ways to skin a cat, so they say. I am told there are 3
ways to shave a donkey and 8 ways to tie a spider’s shoelaces. And so this weekend, the first team discovered there
are 2 ways to win a game of hockey. On Saturday, it was the easy way – with great teamwork, high ball pace, accurate
passing, movement off the ball and lethal shooting. Bebington came to Parkgate with the mistake of expecting a rerun of previous
seasons where the Shrimps were an impatient and nervous outfit, rattled by the physical nature of their game. Not this time.
The challenge set by Chief Shrimp was to score 2 goals in the opening 20 minutes… And so as the rain clouds parted, Beb faced an onslaught of almighty proportions from the first whistle. The midfield
were in complete control as the Flying Dutchman combined with Pete Topman and Mark
Donnelly to split apart the Beb defensive pack. Within 15 minutes, the pressure had been converted into 2 goals as
Aled Jarvis scored a beauty and Tom McCurdy showed his learning from the Cannock game and
smashed home a rebounded drag flick. The aforementioned Dutchman continued his goliath
impact on the game, first by thoroughly testing out McNulty’s groin guard with a short corner strike, and then on 25
minutes he dribbled past 3 yellow shirts before shooting into the net in the name of the Fatherland. This goal earned him
his cash bonus which meant he could take his first trip Home since the fall of his Father’s Dictatorship.
Not to be outdone by Johnny Foreigner, Dangerous Dan Khedun demonstrated what happens when he connects
with those huge swinging hits he attempts every game. A shot from a tight angle flew like a Rocket Propelled Grenade, finding
the roof of the net via McNulty’s Helmet! If the ratio is 1 in 5 games, its worth waiting for as this was possibly the
best goal scored on the new turf. Beb did come out with more focus in the second half,
managing to score a well worked goal shortly after the restart. However, this was one of a handful of chances as the Men in
Pink regained control of the game, with Cookson adding another goal to finish 5 -1 winners. Our league form
is still improving and we have a number of points with a number of games remaining.
On Sunday, it was any way possible to win as the Romance of the Vase proved to be little tougher for the Shrimps.
Missing 4 players, first team debuts were handed to Falck, Newall and Horwood
who all did well to match the pace and work ethic of the new look first team. Once again, Neston enjoyed the Lion’s
share of the ball, possibly even more, but the deep defensive press of Roll’s Royce was frustratingly difficult to break
through. Finally, Dan Khedun managed to bundle home a goal and a sigh of relief could
be heard around Parkgate. This goal only seemed to galvanise the visitors and their work rate increased dramatically. Whether
pre-determined or not, their tactic of deep defending and counter attack started to pay off as they managed to break through
into Neston territory more and more. The Bijoux home crowd was stunned as one such counter attack was poorly dealt with by
‘Peg Leg Brooker’, whose ankle injury had him marking like a terrified schoolboy. Rolls Royce
managed to dart into the D and unleash a quick fire shot past Shepherd, who had to quickly throw down his
knitting and teapot, sadly in vain.
At
half time, the call was to start defending deeper and invite them onto us, and also for the strikers to start running the
baselines to work the ball into their circle. The Shrimps responded brilliantly, with McNeight working the
baselines as McCurdy unleashed an aerial assault unseen on the Wirral since 1940. The Rollers had no answer
to this change in tactic as they became more and more spread apart in their press, allowing the Shrimps to pass the ball and
work the goal. After a succession of corners that should have been scored, finally McNeight scored our second
to relieve some pressure before Man of the Match Khedun finished the day with a tap in. Only scoring 3 goals
from all that possession was a little disappointing, but once again we dominated the opposition and restricted them to a handful
of chances. Another positive is that I’ve finally finished the Winnie the Pooh jumper, thanks to yet another 70 minutes
as a relative spectator.
This week, we have a
tasty away trip to West Derby with a team of U.N negotiators in case things get nasty again. Sadly, we will be without the
Talisman Mark Shipley who has taken a short trip to China to supply a bigger whip to our kit manufacturers.
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| Green shoots of Neston |
Captain’s Log
12 Oct 09 As the global recession begins to ease its grip on our Nation,
I find myself drawing parallels to the plight of our wonderful Hockey Club. As the supposed ‘green shoots of
recovery’ begin to sprout in the Housing and Take-Away markets, so to do the seeds we have sown over the Summer
begin to sprout from our beloved new Astroturf pitch. An unbeaten weekend for the Men’s teams delights the spirit of
the Club, while the green shoots have begun to flower for the First Team. Loz McNeight has finally found
the net with a shot that Babe Ruth would have been proud of, and our short corner strike rate has dropped below 1 in 10 for
the first time since 2005. More encouragingly, neither Baz Roberts nor Rob Cookson have
spat their Dummy out at the Umpires yet, and I have kept 2 consecutive clean sheets for the first time without using Nappies! All very encouraging, but how quickly these green shoots can be mown away by the
lawnmower that is the ‘dreaded disease of complacency’! This phrase is burned onto the shrinking
grey matter of every Old Caldean, and unfortunately we were nearly taught a severe schoolboy lesson on Saturday as we played
a fairly disorganised Formby side. Despite warnings beforehand in the changing rooms, it looked like we had believed our own
hype after playing so well against Cannock. Although we dominated nearly the entire first half, we didn’t do enough
off the ball to really trouble their deep defensive press. Luckily, we managed to score before half time to ease our nerves
but some stern words were said during the break to try and revive our form. Thankfully, we managed to increase the pace and
work rate in the second half and converted our dominance into scoring chances. The opposition keeper pulled off some good
saves to keep us out for a while, but we inevitably added 2 more goals to make it 3 nil. Our defensive unit did well once
again to limit Formby to a handful of chances, but luckily the opposition forwards proved better at dishing out banter than
scoring goals! We have a much sterner task ahead of us this
Saturday when we make the journey to Bowdon who are unlikely to pass to us quite as much as Formby did. Whatever the score
on Saturday, there are much more important issues than Hockey to ponder; like who cleans up Horse crap from the roads, and
who pays for it? Do they pay horse tax? Why is it acceptable for Horses to block a busy road, but if I walked down the road
holding up traffic I’d be locked up?!! Forget expenses, these are the questions that need answering! If you’ve managed to read this far…why? Don’t you know there’s
a recession on?! You should be out buying things or growing vegetables. Sort yourself out. You should be ashamed. Goodbye
Shep
 Captains Log – 5/10/09
As my weekly whiplash sets in with vigour, I find myself writing this week’s edition with feelings of surprise,
elation and disappointment. I’m surprised that my only injury sustained from our Cup game against Cannock is a slightly
grazed hip, and not the bruised pride and broken spirit I had prepared myself for. I’m surprised to be disappointed
today that we didn’t beat Cannock, as we had a handful of really good chances to score. McNeight
had 2 great chances close to goal and young McCurdy will still be reeling after flicking straight at the
Keeper from close range. But without Tom McCurdy’s incredible performance in defence alongside ‘Brickwall
Brooker’ the scoreline would have been likely to reach double figures. And Lawrence’s pace on the break
and movement off the ball kept us looking dangerous at times which helped take the pressure off the back four. Those feelings will subside quickly leaving only the pure elation that can only be achieved either by having a great
weekend of hockey or by making it through to the live Final of X FACTOR. Sadly the 1st team’s
harmonies were a little flat when singing for Louis Walsh at his Summer House, and as a result missed out on a spot in the
Live Final. So we had to get our kicks by playing great hockey instead. On Saturday, we travelled to Brooklands and dominated from the start. We spread the game early on and used the space
to our advantage but were a little impatient with the final pass. At half time, it was 1 nil to the Shrimps from a Van
Der Ouderaa short corner. During the break, we asked ourselves ‘What Would Bjorn
Borg Do’?Borg has proclaimed himself a Neston fan after news of our turnaround
at Wilmslow reached his Swedish Palace. We used his inspiration to guide us to a second goal, scored by Smith,
and to control most of the second half. Although there was a brief spell sponsored by John McEnroe when the defensive unit
had to work a little harder! The inspiration of Bjorn Borg shone like a guiding
light on Sunday, as we hosted Cannock 1s in what proved to be every bit as exciting as the classic Wimbledon Final of 1980.
It was the calm, collected defensive press of Neston pushing back the edgy onslaught of the constant Cannock attack. As we
worked harder and harder to keep the ball out of the net, Cannock got more and more uptight and called on the power of McEnroe
to help brush us aside. This involved lots of shouting; the coach was shouting at the players and the umpires; the players
were shouting at each other and the umpires. Not wanting to be ‘out-shouted’, the Home side called in Eddy
Byrnes who weighed in early with “For God’s sake Cooky, Tackle him!”
After a slight readjustment of his radar, he began taunting the Cannock players with cutting blows such as “You’ll
have to do better than that Cannock”. This caused much chuckling in the Neston goal during the wait for yet
another improvised short corner. Sadly, unlike 1980, Bjorn Borg came off second best
this time as Cannock scored 2 quality corners from the edge of the circle to beat us 2 – 0. Incredible work from all
on the pitch for keeping the ball out of the net, but we will draw strength from this performance and transfer this passion
and desire into our league match against Formby on Saturday. Until then, why
not ask yourself when thinking about what to have for Dinner tonight – What Would Bjorn Borg Do? Bye for nowShep
 Captain’s Log – 28/9/09
The first game of a new league season can be a perilous occasion! All
the expectation, excitement and collective hope of a Club can play havoc with a Skipper’s digestive system. Can the
1st team lead the club back into light, after so many years of Darkness? On opening the ‘My first
Captaincy’ handbook I bought from the bookmobile at Greasby Junior School, I studied carefully the chapter
entitled “Overcoming first game nerves – and other such terrifying matters”.
I found its description of the mobile press a little dated, and its method of springing the off-side trap poorly conceived.But it did offer up two bowling ball sized pearls
of Godly Wisdom: The first was to remain calm and always have an escape route. Secondly, it said “Get over
yourself! Not everybody cares how the first team do, they just want to win themselves”. After
I had finally extinguished the fire, I was calm enough to reflect on the Handbook’s wisdom. It was right, I couldn’t
hide from it. We needed more escape routes from the pitch. On the whole, the opening weekend was a successful one.
The 1st team scored some excellent goals, an early opener from Dan Khedun, after young McCurdy
sent his opposing centre back a special delivery by air, who decided to pass to Lawrence rather than clear the danger. The
goal of the game came when the nifty Greg Brooker sneaked a pass to thrifty Mark Donnelly
just outside the Oxton D, who sent a precision pass into the path of Born-again Mark Shipley who surprised
Oxton’s mouthy Goalkeeper by shooting on target. Man-of-the-match Shippers gave the keeper more to
think about soon after by firing an unstoppable bobbler past him to extend our lead. Shippers’ form
is a great relief as it turns out he can play hockey after all as his constant question “why
don’t we play on grass anymore” was beginning to worry me. We look forward to this weekend with excitement as I’ll be testing the emergency exits at the new pitch
on Sunday at around 1.15pm. On the theme of emergencies, I’ll be hoping that Mark Strong will be able
to accept the new role of ‘Chief dental calamity officer’ for the Club. His sterling work on
Saturday after a Bramhall player had a front tooth bent back was a credit to the industry. The introduction “I’m
not going to be much help, I’ve had a few beers” did well to instantly put the patient at ease. After
being encouraged to push his own tooth back into place for a good five minutes, the trembling, bloodied patient decided that
a trip to Hospital would be the best idea. Preferably before Strongie staggered back with his drill. Next
time, I will be pondering the use of arrogance as a pesticide. Until then, it’s way past your bedtime.
Shep
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